Silvio Spaghetti Mozzarella

I’ve poked fun at former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi a few times. And it’s usually because he pretty much asks for it time and again. And, usually, again. There are a few other things old Silvio asks for on a regular basis as well. Chief among them is a prison sentence for fucking underage girls. Because for some strange reason really hot adult women are not enough. I guess when you’re obscenely wealthy and bored normal sex loses its appeal somehow. Not that I would know. I’m broke as hell and I never get a moment’s peace so there are times when even Martha Stewart or Hillary Clinton look good to me. I have no idea where I was going with that train of thought. Although I’m pretty sure it’s not jail.

“A panel of judges Monday sentenced former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to seven years in prison for abusing power and having sex with an underage prostitute. Judges also barred the flamboyant former prime minister from holding public office.

The high-profile case centered on an exotic dancer nicknamed “Ruby the heart-stealer.”…

…Prosecutors had argued that Berlusconi had sex 13 times with underage dancer Karima el Mahroug and abused his position when he intervened in May 2010 to get her released from jail, where she was being held on charges of theft. Berlusconi, 76, has denied the charges and others against him.

“It is absurd to suggest I have paid for a rapport with a woman. It is something I have never done, not even once in my life. It is something I find degrading to my dignity,” he has said.” – CNN

First of all, that’s a bunch of the bologna. The whole reason a man seeks financial wealth is to get laid. And its no coincidence that rich guys get ass 24/7 without even ever having to leave the house. Unlike the rest of us poor schmucks who pretty much have to rely on alcohol and dishonesty to get a woman into bed. What’s more, without money this aged gargoyle couldn’t get a woman without kidnapping her. And even then, at his age, it would be a stretch. Seriously, the guy is like pushing 80. And he’s having sex with children. Guys like him are pretty much the reason jails were invented. Guns too.

Of course if I was filthy rich it’s difficult to speculate about what I would or would not do. As far as I’m concerned that’s like speculating about what I would do if I had a spaceship or a vagina. Or both. Which makes me kind of horny and terrified all at the same time. But I don’t spend too much time dwelling on it because it’s not going to happen. If I were rich, though, I’m sure I’d be a huge dick hated by society as a whole. I’d have giant dollar signs sewn onto all of my clothing and I would drive around town with a megaphone screaming insults at random people on the street. Wealthy people can do that kind of thing. Well, in all fairness, I’m dirt poor and I do that kind of thing now but if I had a lot of money it would somehow give my behavior a certain legitimacy. At least I assume it would. I don’t know. I’d be rich so, you know, I really wouldn’t give a shit what everyone thought.


  1. June 29, 2013 at 11:27 AM

    If he were American, he’d for sure have a reality TV show by now…

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