Mazeltov Cocktail

If memory serves it was like a year ago that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said he was about to start World War III. Or, maybe memory doesn’t serve. Maybe it betrays. How the hell should I know. At any rate I seem to remember him at the United Nations last year waving around a picture of an old-timey Acme bomb from The Road Runner cartoon that had something to do with how we only had a few months before Iran was going to have a window within which they would kill Wile E. Coyote with a nuclear bomb. Or something. Shit, man, I don’t know. I just know that the guy swore that if the world didn’t stop Iran by the end of 2012 then Israel would.

Well, now it’s almost the end of 2013 and nothing happened. So I just kind of forgot all about it and so did most of the world. And can you blame us? There was an election in America. Then we shut the government down. There was a new Superman movie. Like, a dozen new iPhones. Then Breaking Bad ended and Grand Theft Auto V came out. But, right wing Israeli leaders and threats of war are not like back taxes or promises made to old girlfriends. They don’t just go away because you forgot about and/or chose to ignore them.

“U.S. and Israeli officials differed over Iran’s nuclear program on Wednesday as Israel called for its effective dismantlement and the United States suggested better safeguards could assure that it is peaceful rather than military in nature. U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke as they began talks that were also expected to cover Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations but appeared likely to be overshadowed by Iran.

Hints of a possible U.S.-Iranian rapprochement, including President Barack Obama’s phone call with new Iranian President Hassan Rouhani and revived nuclear talks between Tehran and six major powers, have unnerved Arab states and Israel, which see any potential Iranian nuclear arms program as a direct threat.

Iran must not have a nuclear weapons capability, which means that they shouldn’t have centrifuges (for) enrichment, they shouldn’t have a plutonium heavy-water plant, which is used only for nuclear weapons,” Netanyahu told reporters as he and Kerry began what was expected to be several hours of talks.” – REUTERS

I feel sorry for John Kerry. Being forced to talk to Benjamin Netanyahu for “several hours” has got to be like watching both CRANK movies back-to-back while drinking way too much coffee. The guy is only slightly less jumpy and paranoid than every character Peter Lorre ever played. And he repeats himself with the same regularity as the plot of THE WALKING DEAD. Seriously, here’s what he said at the U.N. a few weeks ago and tell me if this doesn’t sound familiar.

“Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu castigated the U.S. diplomatic outreach to Tehran, telling world leaders Iranian President Hasan Rouhani is a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” determined to use a political thaw to advance his country’s nuclear program.

Mr. Netanyahu, addressing the United Nations General Assembly on Tuesday, said Israel would take unilateral military action against Iran if it felt the international community wouldn’t act to stop Tehran from acquiring nuclear weapons…

“I want there to be no confusion on this point. Israel will not allow Iran to get nuclear weapons,” the Israeli prime minister said during a half-hour address. “If Israel is forced to stand alone, Israel will stand alone.” – THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Dude, you’re a world leader. Not fucking Kanye West. You can’t just do the same shit year after year and expect people to take you seriously. At this point I think we should turn these U.N. addresses into some kind of informal holiday. We’ll call it Angry Benji Day. Everyone can go to school or work wearing dark and depressing suits and hurl empty threats at each other.



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: