29
Oct
13

SUZANNE SOMERS IS WRITING FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL NOW

Somers Indiscretion

I know, I know. This picture is over thirty years old. But, I feel that when you spend so much money and effort butchering your face to look like you’re still in your 20’s then it’s my prerogative to use a photo from any point in your life. I mean, if you think you still look so hot then how do you know how old this picture really is? Which, incidentally, brings me to my next point. Most people under the age of, say, 35 probably have no fucking idea who this woman is. Hell, I’m older than that and THREE’S COMPANY (which was pretty much her only acting gig) was already in reruns when I was a kid.

And while I will admit to having occasionally jerked off to her Thighmaster infomercials on late night TV during my adolescence I have to admit that I could never totally get into her. Mostly because I don’t think stupid women are hot. Entertaining perhaps.

“…the former “Three’s Company” star-turned-longevity-expert has turned her attention to Obamacare. And she doesn’t like what she sees.

“Boomers are smart,” Somers wrote in a Monday opinion piece for the online version of the Wall Street Journal. “They see the train wreck coming… most I speak with think the Affordable Care Act is a greater Ponzi scheme than that pulled off by Bernie Madoff.” The Journal is owned by News Corp., the conglomerate controlled by billionaire Rupert Murdoch, who also owns Fox News Channel.

The former Thighmaster queen argues that the new health plan — which has been plagued by tech problems in its rollout — is a socialist scheme that will actually raise many people’s premiums and stir privacy concerns…

…Somers is part of a panel of writers the news outlet calls The Experts, described as “an exclusive group of industry, academic and cultural thought leaders who weigh in on the latest debates.” – THE LOS ANGELES TIMES

Right off the bat I can tell you that most of the Boomers this dingbat is talking to are wealthy types with equally bad nose jobs. And why is it that people with plenty of money and the best healthcare have such a bug up their asses about the rest of us seeing a fucking doctor? And how in the hell is this woman one of “The Experts”? Shit, man, if that’s the case then I want to know what Hal Linden from BARNEY MILLER thinks about private prisons or what kind of insight Alan Alda from M.A.S.H. has on the situation in Syria. Of course once Rupert Murdoch took over The Wall Street Journal it was inevitable that standards would start to sink to this level. For example, this is Somers herself from her own piece explaining why she’s qualified to write about Obamacare:

“SUZANNE SOMERS: As a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness and by using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world, I have come to the following conclusions: First of all, let’s call affordable health care what it really is: It’s socialized medicine.” – THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

You can read the whole piece here. But, if you’d rather just spin around in your office chair making helicopter noises I wouldn’t blame you. That’s what I’m doing instead of paying attention to someone of moderate-to-low intelligence who thinks that talking to people smarter than her makes her an “expert” on something. Personally, I take more seriously the views of actual medical professionals on the subject. Not whatever hipster voodoo crystal worship Somers is into.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to meet Janet down at the Regal Beagle. I’m going to pretend to be her boyfriend so she can make her gay cousin think she’s happy and give her an inheritance. But, it’s probably going to end in a hilarious series of awkward situations and sexual innuendos.

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