Archive for January, 2014

17
Jan
14

THE DRUG ENFORCEMENT ADMINISTRATION IS A DELICATE FLOWER

DEA

Every time I read about someone espousing the dangers of marijuana I have to go and look at the calendar. I need to make sure that I haven’t fallen through a crack in time and ended up back in the 1930’s. And you would think that with the myriad of challenges facing modern law enforcement, everything from terrorism to gun violence to actual drugs like meth or heroin, they would be too busy to sit around watching REEFER MADNESS. Or, you know, sit in front of a U.S. Senate committee and do a fucking Nancy Reagan impersonation.

“The chief of operations at the Drug Enforcement Administration on Wednesday called the legalization of marijuana at the state level “reckless and irresponsible,” warning that the movement to decriminalize the sale of pot in the United States will have severe consequences. “It scares us,” James L. Capra said, responding to a question from a senator during a hearing focused on drug cultivation in Afghanistan…

…Capra said that senior DEA officials have faced uncomfortable questions from law enforcement partners abroad. During a recent global summit on counter-narcotics in Moscow, he said, he and the head of the DEA were at a loss to explain the loosening drug laws.

“Almost everyone looked at us and said: Why are you doing this [while] pointing a finger to us as a source state?” he said. “I don’t have an answer for them.” – THE WASHINGTON POST

Holy shit, man. Next thing we know you’ll be telling us how pot makes white women fall in love with negro jazz musicians. And how about you grow some fucking balls and tell the rest of the world to mind it’s own goddamn business. Seriously, the DEA has no problem being tough and aggressive when it comes to glaucoma patients in West Hollywood or media outlets that advertise for dispensaries. But, INTERPOL gets in your face about pot legalization and suddenly you get all weak in the knees. Then again I guarantee this exchange never actually happened. As a federal agency the DEA is about as honest and trustworthy as pretty much every character Peter Lorre has ever played in the movies. Of course my favorite nugget from the hearing was this part:

“Capra choked up as he described how people misperceived federal drug agents as being concerned with small drug possession crimes. He claimed the agency was only concerned with drug traffickers.

“I’ve never arrested an addict.” He concluded by again apologizing for his excitement.”

Of course you’ve never arrested an addict. You’ve probably never arrested anybody. You’re a fucking bureaucrat who wants to keep his job. And your job security depends on keeping a harmless plant illegal. Fuck, why can’t these people just make an honest living like the rest of us? Perhaps that’s what people like Capra really find scary: the idea that one day their only trick might not work anymore and we’ll stop writing them blank checks. This guy shouldn’t worry, though. After all I’m sure McDonald’s is hiring.

You can watch the entire thing.  It’s about 8 minutes long but I warn you: this nimrod’s voice will end up stuck in your head like a fucking commercial jingle for the rest of the day. Although considering how I laugh so hard that bong water comes out of my nose every time I hear it that might not be such a bad thing.

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15
Jan
14

THE KOCH BROTHERS ARE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME

Kochella

I’ll admit that, for a very long time, I had no idea who the Koch brothers were. I actually thought they were a vaudeville act from the 30’s who rode unicycles and juggled monkeys or something. As it turns out, of course, they’re billionaire business guys. How did they become billionaires? I have no idea. To be honest I have no idea how anybody becomes a billionaire. I’ve heard myths and urban legends about “hard work” and so forth. But, I know plenty of people (myself included) who work pretty fucking hard and are not rolling in scratch. Of course how one becomes a billionaire is not quite as perplexing to me as the apparent problem billionaires have with the rest of us seeing a doctor. And holy shit do they have a problem with it.

“Democrats are increasingly anxious about an onslaught of television ads hitting vulnerable Senate and House candidates for their support of the new health law, since many lack the resources to fight back in the early stages of the midterm campaign.

Since September, Americans for Prosperity, a group financed in part by the billionaire Koch brothers, has spent an estimated $20 million on television advertising that calls out House and Senate Democrats by name for their support of the Affordable Care Act.

The unusually aggressive early run of television ads, which has been supplemented by other conservative initiatives, has gone largely unanswered, and strategists in both parties agree it is taking a toll on its targets.” – THE NEW YORK TIMES

As I’ve said many times before I just cannot understand what the wealthy find so threatening about the rest of us having access to healthcare. Or, you know, a decent wage. Or money for retirement. Or food. I have to assume it makes them feel less special or something. Or maybe they have some kind of fetish for mass suffering. I don’t know. But to unload $20 million in TV ads to complain about it is kind of extreme. Of course so is calling your group “Americans for Prosperity” when, as far as I can tell, these two are the only ones prospering. I suppose that’s more effective than calling it “Rich People for Power” or “Billionaires for Inequality”. Although given the caliber of person who buys into their message they could call it “I’m Going To Kill You And Fuck Your Mother” and it would still probably be wildly successful with their target audience.

What I have always found interesting is that when you talk to people who ardently oppose Obamacare you never actually hear a reason why. Then again you don’t really talk to these people. You see their mouths open and then, all of a sudden, you become overwhelmed by the deafening sound of carnival music. Most likely the reason they’re against it is because they’re the type of people who actually watch commercials to begin with. And if your entire worldview can be shaped by a 30 second spot during DUCK DYNASTY or MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL then I’m guessing I don’t give a shit what you think anyway.

13
Jan
14

FIDEL CASTRO IS STILL ALIVE

Castromancer

This past November saw the 50th anniversary of the JFK assassination. And to be honest, the only reason I even know this is because the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who was the same weekend. And in my house that’s a pretty big goddamn deal. Well, it’s a big deal for me and I live in my house. It was pretty lame for everyone else who lives here that weekend. Seriously, I watched UNEARTHLY CHILD and DAY OF THE DOCTOR back-to-back. I’m hardcore like that.

Then I watched JFK. Mostly because I find Oliver Stone’s left wing paranoia adorable. Anyway, when it started dealing with Cuba and Fidel Castro I suddenly realized that Fidel Castro is still alive and still, more or less, running Cuba. Which kind of makes me reconsider my whole idea of what “50 years” means. It’s one thing to be some normal guy who lives that long. It’s another to be a world leader who has had people trying to kill you every day for five decades.

“Cuba’s former President Fidel Castro has appeared in public for the first time in nine months.

Mr Castro, 87, attended the opening of an art studio in the capital, Havana, on Wednesday night.

Pictures released on Thursday showed a frail-looking Mr Castro walking with a stick and looking at works of art.

Fidel Castro led Cuba for nearly half a century before handing over power to his brother, Raul, in 2006 because of ill health.

Fidel has kept a low public profile, with sporadic appearances, ever since.” – BBC NEWS

“Ill Health” in the Castro family probably means that he can no longer stop bullets or bend metal with his mind. Any man still breathing after this many assassination attempts is either an alien or the Antichrist. Or Jason. In any case it’s probably best to just let the guy die in peace. If the world’s powers haven’t been able to kill you in under half a century then I say you get a pass at this point. Whatever black magic is holding this guy’s corpse together shouldn’t be messed with.

CastroOil

Castro does look good for his age, I’ll give him that. At least I’m assuming this is Fidel Castro. At this point in the aging process it could be a goat that fell into a pile of clothing from Abercrombie & Fitch. But, as someone once said  “it is better to look good than to feel good”. Which is probably why he looks like a well-dressed old man in terrible pain. I have this strange feeling that when I’m 87 I’ll be wandering the streets near my local nursing home in a bathrobe screaming profanity at cats and dogs. And although I won’t be a targeted world leader with enemies around every corner I’ll probably be so senile that I’ll believe I am. Which, I suppose, is really all that matters. It’s like how even though I’m not a highly respected blogger who stands out from everyone else on the internet I still believe I am. What can I say? Reality just doesn’t do it for me.