Every time I read about someone espousing the dangers of marijuana I have to go and look at the calendar. I need to make sure that I haven’t fallen through a crack in time and ended up back in the 1930’s. And you would think that with the myriad of challenges facing modern law enforcement, everything from terrorism to gun violence to actual drugs like meth or heroin, they would be too busy to sit around watching REEFER MADNESS. Or, you know, sit in front of a U.S. Senate committee and do a fucking Nancy Reagan impersonation.

“The chief of operations at the Drug Enforcement Administration on Wednesday called the legalization of marijuana at the state level “reckless and irresponsible,” warning that the movement to decriminalize the sale of pot in the United States will have severe consequences. “It scares us,” James L. Capra said, responding to a question from a senator during a hearing focused on drug cultivation in Afghanistan…

…Capra said that senior DEA officials have faced uncomfortable questions from law enforcement partners abroad. During a recent global summit on counter-narcotics in Moscow, he said, he and the head of the DEA were at a loss to explain the loosening drug laws.

“Almost everyone looked at us and said: Why are you doing this [while] pointing a finger to us as a source state?” he said. “I don’t have an answer for them.” – THE WASHINGTON POST

Holy shit, man. Next thing we know you’ll be telling us how pot makes white women fall in love with negro jazz musicians. And how about you grow some fucking balls and tell the rest of the world to mind it’s own goddamn business. Seriously, the DEA has no problem being tough and aggressive when it comes to glaucoma patients in West Hollywood or media outlets that advertise for dispensaries. But, INTERPOL gets in your face about pot legalization and suddenly you get all weak in the knees. Then again I guarantee this exchange never actually happened. As a federal agency the DEA is about as honest and trustworthy as pretty much every character Peter Lorre has ever played in the movies. Of course my favorite nugget from the hearing was this part:

“Capra choked up as he described how people misperceived federal drug agents as being concerned with small drug possession crimes. He claimed the agency was only concerned with drug traffickers.

“I’ve never arrested an addict.” He concluded by again apologizing for his excitement.”

Of course you’ve never arrested an addict. You’ve probably never arrested anybody. You’re a fucking bureaucrat who wants to keep his job. And your job security depends on keeping a harmless plant illegal. Fuck, why can’t these people just make an honest living like the rest of us? Perhaps that’s what people like Capra really find scary: the idea that one day their only trick might not work anymore and we’ll stop writing them blank checks. This guy shouldn’t worry, though. After all I’m sure McDonald’s is hiring.

You can watch the entire thing.  It’s about 8 minutes long but I warn you: this nimrod’s voice will end up stuck in your head like a fucking commercial jingle for the rest of the day. Although considering how I laugh so hard that bong water comes out of my nose every time I hear it that might not be such a bad thing.



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