25
Oct
14

RICK SCOTT IS READY FOR YOU TO STOP BEING CREEPED OUT BY HIM

rick scott feed me babies

I freely admit that I pick out the most ridiculous pictures possible for this site. And yes, if I don’t like someone I will spend as much time as I need to looking for that one picture where they are in mid-sneeze or something. Hey, the New York Times does it all the time and they’re practically shitting Pulitzers. But me? No, I’m a jerk.

The nice thing about Florida Republican Governor Rick “The Corneas” Scott is that you can choose a picture of him at random from the internet and he will reliably look like he forgot to take his thyroid medication. He has a medical condition of some kind. No joke. Like, I seriously hope the guy gets help because he’s clearly dying. Or turning into a serpent. One of the two.

Scott is in a tight reelection battle against Democrat Charlie Crist, who is really nobody to write home about either. I mean, if I lived in Florida I would vote for Crist. But, then again, I would vote for a zoo animal if it kept Republicans out of office. Here’s why:

“There is no graver responsibility and act of state government than an execution.

In Florida this week, a campaign fundraiser takes precedence.

Attorney General Pam Bondi persuaded Gov. Rick Scott to postpone an execution scheduled for tonight because it conflicted with her re-election kick-off reception.

“What’s going on down there? It’s ridiculous,” said Phyllis Novick, the Ohio mother of one of Marshall Lee Gore’s victims, when told Monday about the reason for the delay.

Gore, 50, raped, strangled and stabbed 30-year-old Robyn Novick in 1988 before dumping her body into a Miami-Dade County trash heap. Gore was also sentenced to die for the slaying of 19-year-old Susan Roark, whose body was found a few months later in Columbia County.” – TAMPA BAY TIMES

I can imagine no version of the conversation that took place between Scott and Bondi that doesn’t involve both of them laughing hysterically about what horrible people they are. I think they were trying to outdo each other. Scott probably suggested setting a blind man on fire. Bondi responded by offering to run over a crippled child’s puppy in her car. Scott probably hit back by suggesting they both push an old lady down the stairs. Bondi hit the homer by asking him to postpone the execution of a murderer/rapist so she could get drunk with rich people.

You have to admit, Republicans have a pretty good racket. Their basic ideology is that government is bad and doesn’t work. When Republicans get elected they purposely fuck up the government so they can say “Hey, look. This shit don’t work.” That’s brilliant. I actually followed a similar line of thinking about marriage and parenthood. All my life I believed getting married and having children would make me age quicker and generally unpleasant to be around. When I got married and had children, I purposely stressed myself out to the point of shitting blood so I could prove that I was right. I’m a college graduate you know.

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3 Responses to “RICK SCOTT IS READY FOR YOU TO STOP BEING CREEPED OUT BY HIM”


  1. October 31, 2014 at 2:25 PM

    I have yet to see a photo of Rick Scott in which he resembles anything human. I think there’s a good reason for that.

  2. 3 OrlandoChris
    October 25, 2014 at 3:50 PM

    Just in the past 2 years, the republican party has lost 2% of their voters and the democrat party has lost 4%, at the same time the Libertarian party has gained an extra 12%. That’s the national average, here in Florida, the Libertarian party has grown by 19%. People are waking up! It’s about time. Vote Adrian Wyllie


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