Posts Tagged ‘Forcible Sodomy

19
Dec
16

DONALD TRUMP HAS WON THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

the-trump-administration

In the recent film STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Han Solo is murdered by his own son, Ben. Most people I know feel the tragedy was the death of one of science fiction’s most iconic characters. For me, the truly sad part was that up until the very last moment Han Solo really believed everything was going to be okay. He really believed that, despite the glaring evidence to the contrary, Ben was going to just give up his lightsaber and come home. That he wasn’t going to gut his father like a fish and then more-or-less get on with his day.

I guess that’s the same way I view all the people who were convinced, right up until the very last moment, that the Electoral College was going to elect anyone other than Comrade Trump.

“Millions of Americans who consider Mr Trump unfit to occupy the Oval Office have signed an online petition calling for Republican electors not to vote as directed by their state’s popular ballot.

Some have posted electors copies of founding father Alexander Hamilton’s writings in his Federalist Papers, which state that the meeting of the electoral college “affords a moral certainty, that the office of President will never fall to the lot of any man who is not in an eminent degree endowed with the requisite qualifications”.

A handful of Democratic electors are so desperate to stop Mr Trump that they have even offered to vote against Hillary Clinton and unite with the other electors behind a consensus Republican candidate.” – BBC NEWS.

Look, folks, I can’t claim to be the voice of sanity and reason. Or even decency. I’m probably not even going to make you feel any better by reading this site. My motto has always been “Standing watch on the frontline between reality and bullshit”. Or “Seeing the world with painful clarity”. Or maybe it has something to do with Freemasons and a male hooker. I forget. And I forget what my point was going to be. Pot is legal now in California so THC is going to be my close, personal friend for at least the next four years. But something tells me I’m going to forget stuff…

At any rate just take a deep breath and relax. Have a seat. Put on some Chuck Wild (seriously, if you have small children you need to get heavily into the Chuck Wild). Burn one. Pour one. And just listen to me very, very carefully.

The odds are that the next four years will be the darkest and most painful you have ever experienced. We’ll see a ray of hope with the next elections. It will be something to coalesce around but I have no idea how they will turn out. And even then, they’re just elections. It doesn’t change the fact that we share a country with people who are lethally stupid. And they’re all fucking excited now so they’re going to rub this shit in your face every chance they get. And we’ll try the “they go low, we go high” shit for a while. Until we realize that politics is a street fight, not tryouts for the fucking debate team.

 

16
Dec
13

HELLO, HOW CAN I HELP SCREW YOU TODAY?

Customer Disservice

I’ve always resented the term “consumer”. I know that in economic terms it is a fundamental concept which simply means one who spends money in exchange for goods or services. But, for me, it conjures up imagery of sheep or livestock grazing in blissful ignorance at how short and unhappy their lives are going to be. Which, incidentally, is how economists and businesspeople view the rest of us.

And how little they think of us is reflected in how they deal with us. Sometimes I think the term “customer service” was invented as a joke by a bunch of drunk business owners. Then, when they sobered up, they realized it was still a joke but since they didn’t really care about normal people anyway they just kind of ran with it. It’s not unlike the way I came up with terms like “Concerned Citizen Reporting For Jury Duty” or “Attentive Traffic Court Attendee”.

“Americans are not very happy consumers. We’re frustrated and angry—and for good reason. More people than ever are dissatisfied with the products and services they buy, according to a new report from Arizona State University’s W.P. Carey School of Business. And when there is a problem, we’re less happy with the customer service we receive.

The number of households experiencing “customer rage” — they were very or extremely upset about the company response when they complained — jumped to 68% from 60% in the last survey, in 2011.

More of us are expressing that rage by yelling and cursing at customer-service representatives than two years ago. Yelling rose to 36% from 25% of the time, while cursing jumped to 13% from 7%…

…Other key findings from the 2013 Customer Rage Survey:• The percentage of people with customer service problems rose to 50% from 45%.
• Most of those who complained (56%) said they got absolutely nothing as a result, up 9 percentage points.
• The product most often responsible for enraging us is cable or satellite TV.
• Though many people associate the government with customer-service issues, 98% of the most serious problems stemmed from private companies.” – USA TODAY

Anyone who has ever spent any amount of time on the phone with a corporate entity knows how utterly pointless and aggravating the whole process is. And there’s a good reason it’s that way. The job of customer service is not to serve you at all. The moron you’re talking to on the phone is there to provide a buffer between you and the people you’ve foolishly given your money to. It’s frustrating because, in the end, it’s their job to waste your time, confuse and even lie to you in the hopes that you will just give up and go away. Or better yet start screaming and swearing so they can simply hang up on you.

Your call is not being “recorded for quality assurance”. It’s being recorded to help corporations and the army of psychologists they employ find new ways to get what they want from you. They don’t give a fuck if you’re happy or not, which is why this survey is kind of meaningless in the end. American capitalism long ago became less about making a good product or offering a reliable service and more about how to get away with simply taking your money. The goods or services offered are more of an afterthought if they’re even thought about at all. But I guess that’s only fair because, quite often, paying my bill is kind of an afterthought. So, you know, touche’ motherfuckers.

06
Sep
13

RICK SANTORUM: PUTTING THE LOTION IN THE BASKET

Richard Santorum

PARTY AND IDEOLOGICAL AFFILIATION

Republican, Social Conservative, Cannibal

FUCKABILITY

Former Senator Rick Santorum is actually a fairly attractive guy, which is probably how he managed to lure most of his unsuspecting victims into the flesh suit factory in his basement. Or, you know, get elected to the U.S. Senate in the first place. And while it never takes long for his mask of charm and sanity to slide off even the raging, salivating lunatic found underneath is still seen as attractive by Christian schoolteachers and low information NASCAR fans. But, hey, even David Berkowitz looked good in a collared shirt.

WEALTH

Santo Clause does do pretty well for himself. From serving in the Senate to making TV appearances to producing movies the guy keeps busy and gets his ass paid. On the fundraising front he does know a few tricks and has a few rich donors reliably in his pocket. But, as was demonstrated in his last Presidential campaign, he’s just not packing the kind of financial hardware to do battle with party heavyweights. Should he run again look for him to grovel shamelessly for donations at militia barbecues and abortion clinic protests.

ADHERENCE TO PARTY DOGMA

I’ve often theorized that Santorum is really just a con artist who has masterfully staked out a position as the chief raving wingnut in the GOP. And he plays the part very, very well even down to the Catholic school cardigan and the Lego hair. And perhaps somewhere in a mind dominated by fantasies of eating college girls and masturbating in his own feces he really does believe in some of the socially conservative platform. But, it really doesn’t matter if he does or not. He has so successfully associated himself with that point of view that pretty much anyone who says anything sexist, racist or homophobic is just seen to be doing a “Santorum”.

ACTING ABILITY

As I said, the guy plays his part very well. Unfortunately, when it comes to actually imitating a human being Santorum falls seriously short. He really has only one emotional setting which is a kind of disgusted anger, and that can only carry a politician so far. Whenever I’ve seen him trying to be likable or relatable he reminds me of a screen memory from a UFO abduction story. Seriously, even his own wife and kids look uneasy around him. And they should be. This is a man for whom the phrase “eating one’s young” is less of an expression and more of an actual dinner plan.

THE WHORE SCORE

Santorum gave up on looking dignified a long time ago. And while he doesn’t have the sad and pathetic look of Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney! when pandering for votes it’s only because the guy is so fucking awkward that you’re actually left feeling sorry for him. Sort of. Watching him try to throw a baseball or catch a frisbee is likely to conjure up memories of that really spastic kid you knew in high school who did well in class but sucked at everything else. Until he discovered heavy metal and power tools and then, mysteriously, all the dogs and cats in the neighborhood started disappearing.

19
Jul
11

MATHPOCALYPSE IS ALMOST UPON US

So basically we’re inching closer and closer to the point where… something is going to happen. What? I don’t know. Something to do with numbers and money or the lack thereof. And China. The Chinese are definitely involved. Sounds like a goddamn Robert Ludlum novel. Of course a Ludlum novel would have a plot that you can follow. And a payoff. And tits. Lots of tits. Real life in Washington is just fucking incomprehensible. And no tits anywhere. Just asses.

And for some reason Eric Cantor looks like he’s about to anally rape John Boehner. Maybe they’re into that kind of thing. That’s cool. I mean it’s pretty disgusting but so are the things I do when I’m home alone so who am I to judge? Of course I wouldn’t have figured Cantor for a top. He looks like K.D. Lang. Although she’s pretty butch. So maybe he is too. Dammit, Cantor, no more smoke and mirrors. I want to see the real you.

“According to a CBS News Poll released Monday, 66 percent of Americans say an agreement to raise the amount of money the nation can borrow should include both spending cuts and tax increases.

And though the nation is divided on whether the debt ceiling should be raised at all, with 46 percent saying it should be raised and almost half-49 percent-saying it should not, more Americans favor an increase in the debt ceiling than one month ago. Almost a quarter of the country agreed the debt ceiling should be raised in June; that percentage increased by 22 percentage points in the new survey.” – CNN

Or, perhaps the reason both Cantor and Mr. Boehn look like they’re about to receive love enemas is because of what the rest of the poll had to say:

“Americans are unimpressed with their political leaders’ handling of the debt ceiling crisis, with a new CBS News poll showing a majority disapprove of all the involved parties’ conduct, but Republicans in Congress fare the worst, with just 21 percent backing their resistance to raising taxes.

Even half of the Republican respondents (51 percent) voiced disapproval of how members of their own party in Congress are handling the talks. Far fewer Democrats expressed disapproval of their own party’s handling (32 percent) or President Obama’s (22 percent) of the urgent quest to raise the nation’s debt limit ahead of a looming default on Aug. 2 if action isn’t taken.” – CBS

We’re going to tax the rich. Stop struggling and let it happen or you’ll just get hurt even worse. And stop acting like you don’t want it. You’re practically asking for it walking around all wealthy and influential like that. Maybe go somewhere else in your mind while it’s happening. You know, some kind of happy place. Afterward you can cry to your therapist or attend a support group. Just try and remember that you’re not a victim. You’re a survivor.