Posts Tagged ‘Old Man Scrotums

29
Jul
16

Hillary Clinton Is Coming To Get You

Hillary the Accuser

Whenever I see pictures like this I wonder why we bother having software like Photoshop. And why you would strike a pose like this as a political candidate is beyond me. There’s no good way to use this image. Well, for her. For me on the other hand it’s just the sort of thing that gets me back to blogging after… well, a while. And it is truly sad when the only two people disgusting enough to get me back to Greel are a mass murdering Norwegian lunatic and Hillary Clinton.

Clinton officially became the Democratic nominee for President last night. And, for some odd reason, she decided to finish her acceptance speech by impersonating Donald Sutherland from INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. The Washington Post caption for this picture was “Hillary Clinton acknowledges the crowd”. No human being has ever acknowledged another human being this way outside of the Spanish Inquisition.

But enough about Hillary’s old man scrotum photo appeal. I didn’t fire this bad boy up just to make jokes about how un-telegenic she is. Or about how crazy he is and how wrong we all were about him. Or about how beyond insane this election is. You don’t need me for any of that. Magnus Greel was never here to tell you something you didn’t know, unless it was about my masturbating habits or my once empassioned romance with Michele Bachmann.

People who have read this site have been asking why I’m not right in the thick of this whole circus. “This election is like nothing before! Why aren’t you blogging about this?” Well, that’s the thing: this election is just like every one before it. Just because the candidates are historically unpopular doesn’t change the fact that this is the same demented kabuki theater we are forced to sit through every four years. And just like with every election before we are all getting played like an air guitar at a Metallica concert.

There is nothing shocking, different or rebellious about Donald Trump. Anyone who has ever spent more than ten minutes with a white man whose education tops out at the 12th grade has heard all of this before. Border walls. Bombing “the hell” out of people. The “Moslems”. Fart and dick jokes. All of it. Donald Trump is a conservative. This is what conservatives sound like.

As for Bernie, well, it was a noble effort. Even though it was never going to work and he was clearly as surprised as anyone that his campaign got as far as it did. But even he was a scripted character in this bizarre play. He was meant to elevate our sense of hope and excitement. Like an appetizer at a shitty restaurant. The main course sucks but you’re all eager and hungry from the hors d’oeuvres so you just swallow it down anyway. Then get blinding drunk and hope you don’t puke.

Drinking and puking is, of course, what brings me to Hillary Clinton. Because that’s what we’re all going to be doing for four years if she gets elected. Nobody is excited for this person to become President. Well, a few people are. Madeleine Albright and that woman who was married to Christian Bale’s dad seem to be excited. But, at their age, making it to and from the shower without the obligatory hip breaking probably gets them excited. And don’t try and tell me that I should be excited. Or happy. Or okay with it because, you know, Trump.

And yes, one is just as bad as the other. Meryll Streep and Oprah Winfrey can run around shouting and cheering like communications majors on spring break all they want. My liberal and progressive friends can post all the witty, researched and intelligent arguments they want on social media. The Clinton Campaign can blind and deafen me with images and testimonials about what a really caring and great lady she is.

This sucks and you know it.

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