Posts Tagged ‘Russia

20
Jan
17

I’LL BE BACK

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I was changing my youngest child’s shit filled diaper this morning when I suddenly started thinking about Donald Trump. It’s his inauguration day. He’s the President now. He’s in charge. He’s in the captain’s chair. That mail order bride he married is First Lady.

But then again I thought “Eh, fuck him.” And why not? That’s what he thinks of me. And you. And the guy next door dying of Gulf War Syndrome (who probably voted for him). And the unemployed drunk down the road who used to work at the mill (who probably voted for him). And the morbidly obese woman who never married and hates the gays (who probably voted for him). And that religious guy in the neighborhood everyone goes out of their way to avoid (who probably voted for him).

I started Magnus Greel shortly after Obama entered office. Eight years of Bush (not that one, the other one) didn’t drive me to blog. It took a President I actually liked and respected taking office for me to realize that the resistance doesn’t have the luxury of waiting until the bad guys take over. Sooner or later the bad guys always take over. And sooner or later the bad guys either fuck up or are defeated. If the resistance doesn’t have their shit together then other bad guys take over.

Those of you who have followed this site know I have done this many times over the years. Those of you who haven’t, well, pay closer fucking attention. You’re not doing anything important.

“My fellow Americans. How does it feel? How does it feel to finally have the yoke of ultimate oppression removed from your necks? It’s over. I’m done. The scary black man is out of office. I know all you white folks out there are happy. Not normal white folks. Special white folks. Those other white folks that the normal white folks don’t like associating with.

For eight years I put up with your shit. Paul Ryan. Mitch McConnell. John Beener. Or Boner. Whatever. Who fucking cares. Nothing but “Nazi” this and “Soviet” that. Funny that the guy you just elected is both of those fucking things. Anyone see his birth certificate? No. No, you never even fucking asked. He’s rich and he’s white so, gee, he must be from ‘Merica. For all you know he could be from fucking South Africa. And yes, there are white people from South Africa. Not that the special white people in America would know that. You’ve never looked at a map. Or read a book. Or seen an opioid you didn’t crush and snort like there’s no tomorrow.

I like how the special white people in America think that the jobs should come to them. For everyone else in the history of the world, normal white people included, one had to go where the work was. But not you. You’re special. Not sure why. But what the hell. I’ll go with it. Let’s imagine a world that revolves around you.

I see a fucking McDonald’s on every corner. Check cashing places and payday advance outfits. I see repo men and debt collectors having a grand old time taking back that American made truck that no longer works. Yeah. Welcome to your brave new world. I see Twinkies for your kids at lunch. At home. Not at school. Ha ha ha ha! There’s no fucking school lunches. Everyone is on their own. Hooray. Don’t tread on me. And when you get sick, because you eat like shit and don’t exercise, I see you blaming liberal ideas like universal healthcare. And when your children grow up functionally retarded because they’ve been taught that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, that gravity isn’t real and that space travel makes Jesus angry… well, you probably won’t even notice. Because special white people don’t change. They just keep on reproducing. Like roaches.

Well, I hate to shatter this wonderful dream of diabetes and foreclosure. But, I’m not going anywhere. And there isn’t shit you can do about it. I’m not in office anymore. I don’t need your vote anymore. I don’t need your approval. I don’t even need you to like me. I just need you to understand that you don’t live in the country you think you live in. And every time you turn on the TV, which you do like it’s a bodily function, there I’ll be. Smiling at you. Waving at you. Giving you the goddamned finger.

You never got me down, folks. You never got me down.”

 

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08
May
12

VLADIMIR PUTIN DOES NOT FEEL PITY OR REMORSE

I was watching the original TERMINATOR the other night and when it came time for my favorite scene I found myself thinking of old P-Vlad up there. Future guerilla Kyle Reese is trying to explain to a young and rather fertile Sarah Connor exactly what a “terminator” is and says “That terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!” Why did that make me think of Putin? Fuck if I know. I’m not a goddamn psychiatrist.

Putin was once again inaugurated as Russia’s President on Monday, a post he held prior to his four years as Prime Minister. It has been a highly controversial election fraught with charges of corruption and fraud as well as spectacular protests against the 59-year-old former KGB agent. Interestingly, none of the Russian news sources I went to were even running it as a story yesterday except for the occasional photo piece. Nobody seemed particularly excited or concerned. Not even the Putinator himself as his HAL-9000-esque delivery demonstrated.

“Mr Putin took the presidential oath at the Grand Kremlin Palace, in a hall that was once the throne room of the Russian tsars.

In a short speech he said Russia was “entering a new phase of national development”.

“We will have to decide tasks of a new level, a new quality and scale. The coming years will be decisive for Russia’s fate for decades to come.”

He said Mr Medvedev had given a new impulse to modernisation, and the “transformation” of Russia must continue.

He also spoke of the need to strengthen Russian democracy and constitutional rights.

“I consider it to be the meaning of my whole life and my obligation to serve my fatherland and our people,” Mr Putin said.

“We will achieve our goals if we are a single, united people – if we hold our fatherland dear, strengthen Russian democracy, constitutional rights and freedoms.”

The Kremlin audience included former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev, former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, the widow of Russia’s first president, Naina Yeltsin, and the four losing presidential candidates.”  – BBC NEWS

Forgetting for a moment how unnerving it is to hear words like “our fatherland” and “national development” and “decisive” used in the guy’s speech (and it is pretty fucking unnerving) this is a guy who was still ranked as the 4th most powerful man in the world when he wasn’t even the president of his country. Which makes you wonder why he’s even bothering. Then again, Russian politics has always seemed kind of strange to me.

I’m also a little confused as to why the four losing candidates had to show up for this shindig. It’s not like they were ever going to win anyway. Anyone who poses any actual threat to this guy ends up missing. And his relatives end up dead. Then their house burns down. Then their favorite TV show gets cancelled.

Of course P-Vliddy learned the political game of chess from one Boris Yeltsin who didn’t so much play chess as Spin the Bottle. Or was it Quarters? Vodka Pong? Not sure but it most likely involved him getting shitfaced and having people killed. Puss n’ Puts pretty much does his own killing which, I have to say, is pretty impressive. Am I being unfair to the guy? Maybe. But, hey man, when you take pictures like that you’re pretty much asking for it. And if I had a nickel for every time I’ve been forced to say that in court, well, let’s just say I’d have enough money to pay my legal bills.

23
Aug
11

KIM JONG IL IS IN RUSSIA

It’s such a beautiful day today that it seems like a crime to come inside and do any work. Of course it seems like that on most days regardless of the weather. Work sucks, period. Although getting paid is often nice. If there was just some way I could get paid without working then I think I’d be on to something.

I also think I’m on to something when it comes to the comings and goings of North Korea’s geriatric autocrat, Kim Jong Il. Just when you think he’s gone he shows up like a cameo on a bad sitcom.

“North Korean leader Kim Jong Il ate local Siberian delicacies including omul fish as he toured the world’s largest freshwater lake, Baikal, today before a meeting with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev.

Kim, who made a 24-day railway trip across Russia to meet then-President Vladimir Putin in Moscow in 2001 and returned a year later to Vladivostok, is traveling on a 21-carriage train with his personal Mercedes. He arrived today in Ulan Ude, where regional officials and young people dressed in national costumes welcomed him, the state-run Itar-Tass news agency said.

Kim bathed in a swimming pool with water from Baikal before getting onto a boat for his lake tour, Itar-Tass said. He was later offered Siberian dishes including dumplings, boiled sausage and omul, a fish unique to Baikal.” – BLOOMBERG

If memory serves this guy was supposed to be on the brink of death as recently as last month. He seems pretty spry for a man in such allegedly ill health. Christ, he gets way more shit done than I do. Sailing? Swimming? Cruising in his Mercedes? He sounds pretty fucking healthy to me. Why are we worried about his successor at all? This guy is not going anywhere.

And why are they letting him wander around the country doing whatever the hell he wants? That’s like inviting the crazy uncle you don’t talk to over to your house for a few weeks. Just ask me for the money and I’ll mail you a check, Uncle Freddie. The judge said a thousand feet.

Some are speculating that this is part of a farewell tour for the 70-year-old North Korean leader. Despite running around Russia like Steve Austin he’s widely believed to be dying. Then again I’m widely believed to owe Visa a cold 5 big ones. But, I don’t put a lot of stock in hearsay. I’m a little too real for that.

14
Jun
11

RUSSIA WILL RULE THE WORLD… OR BLOW IT UP

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should. It’s a pretty sensible saying in my view. There’s another one I’m also fond of: If you don’t know how to build something that isn’t dangerous, you don’t just build it anyway you fucking jackass.

There’s a story I’ve been following for a while now about Russia’s brilliant idea to build floating nuclear reactors which can go anywhere on the planet and provide electricity. Of course when I say “brilliant” I mean it in the way you might say it to someone who just jumped off the roof of their house with a blanket as a parachute.

Dude, in all seriousness, your country doesn’t exactly have the greatest reputation for building things that don’t blow up, leak chemicals or radiation or end up killing all kinds of people and wildlife. So I wouldn’t capitalize on your “50 years” of experience in working with nuclear power. For that matter, your record as an industrial power is not something I would bring up when trying to convince the world that your floating nuclear reactor idea is safe and sound. And frankly, I don’t know that there is a good way to pitch the idea of a “floating nuclear reactor”. That kind of falls into the same category as “cyanide-based birth control” or “daycare adjacent military ordinance testing range”.

Russia’s history in this area is something I’ve posted on before both here and here. But hey, let’s not just pick on the old boys in the East. Maybe there’s a reason that Western powers, who build the best nuclear reactors in the world, haven’t tried something this incredibly idiotic. Because harnessing the power of the atom safely is difficult enough without putting the fucking thing on a boat and sailing it all over the place like a goddamn cruise ship. And the Japanese, who I’m sure are just tickled pink that Russia plans to park one of these things a few hundred miles from their shores, have done some groundbreaking work in the area of combining seawater with millions of rads of radiation. I think they proved fairly convincingly that it’s a really stupid goddamn idea.

It amazes me how little coverage this story has gotten in the media. I mean I had to go to Al Jazeera to get any actual video on this. All the other news outlets are still more interested in Weiner’s Wiener than they are a) the potential dominance of Russia in the North Pole or b) the potential Armageddon that will result if, but probably when, this half-assed idea goes south and the damn thing malfunctions or gets blown up by terrorists. But, I understand. Dicks are awesome. I have one myself and I probably spend more time with it than I do my own family.