Posts Tagged ‘Viking Fetish


can a nazi get a table dance?

kojak clean

Every now and then I take a moment to think about the worst possible thing I could ever do. Angrily masturbating in front of a cancer patient. Tackling a quadriplegic. Fucking Hillary Clinton. I don’t actually do it because I’m not crazy. And, yes, we’re allowed to use the word “crazy”. I feel comfortable with the word “crazy”. If I had to compare myself to someone who killed 77 people in one day I would probably use words like “crazy” and not lose a whole lot of sleep over it.

“Mass killer Anders Behring Breivik claimed in court on Tuesday that Norway was violating his human rights by keeping him in isolation for murdering 77 people in 2011, but irritated the judge at the start of proceedings with a Nazi salute.

Clean-shaven and wearing a black suit, white shirt and golden tie, Breivik raised his right arm in a flat-handed Nazi-style salute on arrival at the court, slightly different from the outstretched arm and clenched fist he used in 2012.

His lawyer initially said Breivik considers himself a national socialist, or Nazi, and that the gesture was “the worst thing you can do in a courtroom”. He later suggested it was an old Norse gesture.

Judge Helen Andenaes Sekulic was not pleased either way. She told Breivik not to repeat the salute when court proceedings resume on Wednesday.”REUTERS

No, actually, the “worst thing you can do in a courtroom” is complain to a judge about how you’ve been treated in prison after killing 77 people. In one day. The fucking salute is just icing on the cake at that point. And whatever the Vikings had in mind I’m sure it didn’t involve a lonely, heavily armed man with nothing but an internet connection and a copy of Mein Kempf. Or maybe it did. Fuck if I know. At any rate he might as well have pretended to pull a quarter out of the bailiff’s ear or goose stepped around the courtroom screaming about how Anne Frank was a myth.

So what are these cruel and inhumane conditions he’s being kept in? I mean, I’m guessing that a guy who killed 77 people (in one day) is forced to sleep on spikes and spend his days being chased by bleeding AIDS victims, right? Tell me I’m right…

“Breivik’s lawyer, Oeystein Storrvik, accused Norway of violating a ban on “inhuman and degrading treatment” under the European Convention on Human Rights by keeping the 37-year-old isolated from other inmates in a special three-room cell.

“There is no tradition in Norway for this type of isolation,” he told the special court that will meet until Friday in a gymnasium at Skien jail about 100 km (60 miles) south of Oslo.

Norway rejects the charges of inhuman treatment.

“Breivik is a very dangerous man,” said Marius Emberland, the lawyer representing the state, defending Breivik’s conditions.

He said another prisoner tried to attack Breivik last year, getting to within earshot. When stopped by guards, the man shouted: “You are a killer, a child killer … And I love my country,” Emberland said.

will meet until Friday in a gymnasium at Skien jail about 100 km (60 miles) south of Oslo.”

A “special three-room cell”? That’s not isolation. That’s an apartment in jail. My first place was a studio and I didn’t kill anybody. And of course he’s a “very dangerous man”. He killed 77 people. In one day. He’s probably in isolation to protect everyone else in the prison. And the planet. He’s obviously the closest thing the real world will ever have to a Marvel villain. That guy who got close enough to yell at him (which, apparently, is the worst thing that can happen to you in a Norwegian prison. After you kill 77 people. In one day) must be a total badass. He’s probably a mutant. Or just a guy comfortable being in jail in Norway. I think I would be comfortable in jail in Norway.

On that note, “you are a child killer and I love my country” is lame prison smack. I mean it would make a killer title for a metal album. Or a cool bumper sticker. Hell, now that I think about it, I’m going to confront people at random on the street and scream it at the top of my lungs.